I know what you're thinking. She's perfect. Every girl wants to be her. Every guy wants to get with her. High school royalty; the Queen. With her grace, charms, poise, surely she's divine; a demi-god, walking among us mortals until she can take her place in the heavens.
That is where you are so wrong. She's not a goddess. Not even close. In fact, her popularity comes from an entirely different source. That's were I come in. You see, I'm the devil. I don't have horns or a pointy little tail and I certainly don't carry around a pitchfork. That would be too conspicuous. I don't go for that. The reason I work with the pretty blond who has it all is to maintain anonymity. And I get her soul, of course. That's right. If you've ever wondered if she's sold her soul to the devil, you're catching on faster than the rest.
Now, I'm not that annoying chick that clings on to the Queen for dear life. That's somebody else's job. The runner-up. The one who wasn't willing to enter the inner circle of hell for a perfect high school experience. I'm the girl who stays out of the way. You may think I'm a nobody just looking at me, but really, I have all the control. I can send her crashing down in a social death-spiral anytime I want. I don't because I figure she can have her fun for now. She'll be feeling the heat soon enough anyways. Besides, she doesn't bother me too much after the initial deal. She's too busy going to parties and making out with boys behind the bleachers. Meanwhile, I'm plotting the downfall of the church and what-not.
Of course, all good things must come to an end. It's always the same story when it's time for them to fulfill their end of the bargain. They've graduated, high school is over, and their souls are mine. They beg. They plead. They cry. But they promised and they know it. I've assembled an impressive army from the souls of past "it girls." Very useful when I don't feel like keeping the furnaces lit myself. Of course, in order to steal their souls, I have to go to high school with them. Boring, but necessary. I just retaliate by never doing my homework. Every four years, it all begins again. Have you ever wondered why the popular girl doesn't show up to the reunions? It's not because she's too cool or that she's ashamed of her lame life. She's just carrying out an eternity of servitude. I like to think of it as a lesson in humility, but I don't honestly care what you think of me, so call it whatever you like.
It may be cruel, but nobody ever said the devil played fair. I suppose that's the price you have to pay to have everybody worship you. We can't all be God. Believe me. I've tried.
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,848 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is a fun take on a traditional high school situation. This is not quite the first time I've seen something of the whole sold a soul to the devil scenario but this is one of the few high school stories using that same cliché system fully embrace the idea of the devil without metaphors and really use that in the plot. It definitely makes it much more unique than this usually would be and I love the way you've gone about it here. I've already very intrigued by both of these characters.
Okayy this is exciting. We appear to be dealing with the proper devil there with all sorts of ulterior motives and other goals. Now that makes things even more exciting because we get ourselves yet more things to think about and I think ultimately it makes this devil that we're working a significantly more exciting character too.
Well that's a chilling end to that story. I think it works great for a short story of this nature. It definitely sells the idea of the devil going through high school every four years to take these souls and I think that's quite the accomplishment. It somehow manages to sound just about plausible enough to be accepted as a potential chilling reality and so in the end we've got ourselves quite the powerful piece.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Hey Night, Stella here, as promised!
I. NITPICKS
I love this way of saying it, but why not give it a line of its own, instead of the middle of a paragraph.
I think, pick one reason or another.
Surely the devil doesn't believe in humility.
Okay...
II. OVERALL
I don't have any specific issues. This was dry and sarcastic, which I loved. I would have liked to see a little more expansion though. I mean, it seems a bit of a waste of the devil's time to be doing this. Doesn't he have minions? Why would he bother? You didn't tell us that. It seems like a tedious life when he could be doing more important things. And don't other people other than high-schoolers sell their souls?
Other than that, I liked it, and I don't have much to complain about
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
Hello, I am Katie. I have never reviewed before, but here it goes! I really liked this, but as noobcake666 said, the devil seemed a little too nice. That's just my opinion though. Overall, I thought it was really quite quirky and funny. I would love to read part two, and I hope you continue with this! Your brilliant!
Katie
This was really clever!
Only a few things do I have to say...
1) The beginning is a little cliche high school experience movie with the "Queen Bee" and a little bit of a turn off. It got better as it went on, but that's the problem. It should start good and end better. It shouldn't start eh and end good.
2) I wish there was more. I think it could have been expanded on a little, more information added and such. You kind of skim over the details as it is. Go deeper, give us more.
3) The ending! So clever! "We can't all be God. Beleive me. I've tried." Love it. Only now, it makes me want more. There's a story behind this devil and I believe probably more story ahead. If you ever decide to expand on this whole concept, I'd like to see it.
Keep Writing you witty, clever thing you.
-Lauren
This was interesting. I liked the idea behind it.
My question is what exactly the Devil needs souls to do chores or homework for. I mean, isn't s/he, like, the Devil? What persona or whatever is s/he using that s/he would need someone to do chores and homework? And it seems like s/he's been doing this a long time. How long has s/he been in high school? Wouldn't s/he get bored out of hir skull?
Writing-wise, I really liked the voice of this piece. It was short and clear and quirky. I'm a little curious as to why the Devil doesn't enslave the Queen Bees for all time, however. I mean, they did, you know, sell their souls.
I really did like this though. A thumbs up and gold star from me!
~GryphonFledgling
this was a cool idea. at the very beginning i thought i wouldn't like it because i was pretty sure it was going to be one of those big, confused, self-centered, teenage girl / high school -themed balls of cliche and complete crap... but it wasn't! and i'm glad i read on. it was an interesting concept, and pretty well written. good job! i don't have specific comments to make because i did like it a lot. i would just tell you to maybe rewrite the first couple sentences because they DO come off as very teen (in a bad way). (plus, who actually uses the phrase "queen bee"? that's something straight out of a sickly high school movie/book).
oh and i liked the ending too!! haha, it was clever.
I like this. It was funny.
Although the devil seems a little too...I don't know, generous?
I also liked how you ended this.